In November 2023, Alexey Żiliev made a decision that was pregnant. In opposition to the Russian invasion of Ukraine, 39-year-old computer scientist from the suburb of Saint Petersburg enlisted as an orderly to the Russian army, believing he could save human lives on the battlefield. little than a year later, disappointed in the pointlessness of his work, he deserted. He presently lives in France, where he is waiting for political asylum. His communicative sheds fresh light on the brutality of the Russian army.
The Moscow Times editorial was incapable to independently verify any details of Żiliev's account. Get Lost organization that helps mobilized Russians avoid fighting, confirmed that he served as a doctor in the east Ukraine and that he deserted.
— I've always been against this regime. I protested with Navalny's supporters. erstwhile the war began, my wife and I had a fight. She repeated the propaganda slogan: “They have been bombarding Donbas for 8 years,” I opposed this narrative, she says.
On 20 November 2023 he met a friend at the St. Petersburg station and There he saw waves of mutilated and broken soldiers transported to sanatorium.. due to the fact that he had taken an orderly course in his youth, he felt compelled to act.
"Transumatic amputations are everyday"
Within hours, he signed and was sent to a training camp in Pogonów close Voroneża. A fewer days later, he was placed on the front close Swatowe and Kreminna in the Luhansk Oblast.
In occupied east Ukraine, he saw with his own eyes an image he never imagined. - Everything was destroyed. The people who stayed there worked in the markets, in garages and public houses. There is nothing left—no industry, no jobs," he says.
Even though he was stationed on the “zero line” — in trenches behind the back — he was assigned to evacuate wounded and dead from the battlefield all day.
— On my first mission, 5 wounded soldiers approached me, and they were hit during mortar fire. I shouted: get in the BMP, now!. 1 of them had an open fracture, but he escaped. Adrenaline is simply a unusual thing — I pulled a man into the vehicle with 1 hand, even though I was not besides strong, he says.
Although no of the wounded soldiers died, their suffering was immense. “Even these “positive” stories are frightening. Those who last attacks frequently lose limbs. Traumatic amputations are everyday, he says.
He adds that he is shocked by the fact that Russian army relies on "meat attacks" — thus sending waves of poorly equipped soldiers to storm fortified positions.
— Ukrainian forces value their soldiers. If Russian troops approach, the Ukrainians retreat to pre-prepared positions, focusing all eyes and weapons on a seemingly lost position and bombing attackers. The Russian army is different. About 3 soldiers stay from a 15-man assault group.. On average, we evacuated about 7 Russian bodies and 1 or 2 Ukrainians, he says.
"Repurchase sin with blood in battle"
He adds that Ukraine is sending alternatively Drone waves than people.
— There are swarms of Ukrainian drones, sometimes there are 5 machines per Russian soldier on the front line. I remember an 18-year-old who just arrived in the unit. He's been on the front line for 20 minutes. It was hit by an FPV drone with a TNT charge. He was finished. Drones attack on each of our missions," he said.
Russian forces besides carry out attacks utilizing drones, but in a more limited way.
— Commanders frequently utilized high-tech drones Orlan just to watch attacks on respective screens, like in a video game. The drone operator told me he was just sitting there watching the waves of soldiers die, not taking any action. “ Żiliev says
Participation in these "meat storms" was more a punishment than a standard duty. They were sent to them different military men — from those punished for not shaving (!), for the sick, for the “unwanted” or for refusing military service.
NurPhoto / Contributor / Getty ImagesUkrainian soldiers shelling positions of Russian troops in the Zaporo region, 11 January 2025.
Sentencing for assault attacks was not the only form of punishment. Others were equally violent — and arbitrary. The most utmost form was to send you down, or makeshift detention.
— 1 of the lieutenants was thrown into the pit and was held there for respective days — so that he lost both feet due to frostbite. He only went there due to the fact that the officer didn't like him. We barely got him out, says Żiliev.
Another soldier was sent on a suicide mission after political officers — liable for investigating incidents specified as self-inflicted injuries to avoid fighting and refusing to follow orders — forced him to sign a paper stating that he had intentionally injured himself and “he will redeem his sin with blood in battle.”
Returning to these “holes”, the conditions in them were extreme. 20 prisoners held there received respective loaves of bread and 1.5 litres of water all day, during which they were forced to hard physical labour and abused both physically and mentally. any of them were forced to service in assault troops — fundamentally death squads with almost zero endurance rates “ Żiliev says.
“Commanders can do whatever they want”
— Although the Kremlin claims that the occupied territories belong to Russia, no 1 here is protected by any law. The commanders can do whatever they want, adds Żiliev. He claims that Ukrainian prisoners of war and civilians are peculiarly vulnerable.
— In May, I treated a Ukrainian prisoner of war whose drunk Russian erstwhile prisoner shot his feet. His name was Wolodymyr. We had a chance to talk, a large guy. He survived only through the intervention of another soldiers, he says.
However, the medical emergency of July 2024 was the most affected.
— We were stationed at the command station in Zytlovka. At 1 point, the work officer called us to the checkpoint. Between the command post and the forest, there was a dirt road — locals who were inactive there, regularly riding on bicycles, etc. There was a girl on the ground. She was shot so many times that there was no way to save her,” says Żiliev. He adds that he was even more shocked by the reaction of the soldier who killed her.
— We ran to the defender who did this, the command was already there. He fired half a magazine and had the nerve to say he shot twice — as a informing and to kill. Then, erstwhile my fellow surgeon Matwa asked him why he did it, he shruged his arms and asked, “What about her?” That's what he said after killing a man. His superior never punished him, says Żiliev.
After months of witnessing bloodshed, death, and suffering, he became increasingly assured that his efforts to aid people were futile.
“ The people that Putin said we had to “liberate” us hated us and showed it just by looking at us at the store. I knew I was part of the business force — all soldier knew that. Only Russian civilians inactive don't understand, he says.
Anadol / Contributor / Getty ImagesTraining of Russian soldiers in Rostów nad Don, 21 October 2022.
— I remembered any of the names of the soldiers I evacuated. 1 time I recognized the name on the victim's report. I treated this man a fewer weeks earlier, and he came back to me. Then I realized how pointless my occupation was. The life cycle of a Russian soldier inevitably ends with an attack in which to kill or be killed. And I don’t want to do either,” he adds.
Żiliev was injured in February 2024 erstwhile a mortar rocket hit the armored vehicle in which he was located. Despite his injuries and the hazard of infection from dead bodies, he managed to give himself first aid and evacuate to the hospital. This experience has strengthened his determination to escape.
— Had it not been for the fact that military hospitals were like prisons guarded by the military police, I would most likely have tried to escape, he says.
In August 2024, utilizing a pass granted by the commander, he returned to Russia. After a short stay at home in Petersburg, he flew to Belarus, where he contacted the Get Lost group. It helped him get to France, where he asked for asylum. If he goes back to Russia, he's in jail for 15 years.
“There is nothing good about this war”
Today she faces fresh fears from PTSD.
— The first mission wasn't terrible due to the fact that I didn't know what I was signing up for. The another 1 does. Then I stopped feeling anything. Now fear returns — erstwhile I realize how easy I could have died, says Żiliev.
— I worked with a psychologist, and I'm recovering slowly. I besides have a friend from the Ukrainian army I met in France. He was there due to the fact that he was wounded and couldn't return to the front. He tells me that trauma will subside in about a year, adding a erstwhile paramedic. He claims to be arrogant of his actions in the function of doctor on the front.
I love Edith Piaf. In 1 of the songs he sings, “non, je ne regrette rien” — I regret nothing. I've saved many lives, and I think it's worth something, he says.
Like six another Russian deserters who came to France in October to search asylum, he believes that his past can make a difference.
— I hope it will aid people in the country realize that there is nothing good about this war. And I am not afraid to speak—all the fear I have always had, I left there, in war," he says.
